Witnessing Depression

When someone is dealing with depression, it is often also difficult for those closest to them. WSU students have taken the time to share their experiences witnessing depression first hand.

Shane Wechsler, a senior majoring in philosophy and psychology, has dealt with depression in the past, and his girlfriend is currently struggling.

“Watching my girlfriend struggle gives me chills. I feel a pit in my stomach when it gets bad, it is as though I am watching a plane crash in front of my eyes. It is that horrifying to me,” said Wechsler.

Her friends and family are supportive, but according to Wechsler, it sometimes seems like those closest to her either forget what she is going through or lack understanding when talking to her.

“It is really easy to forget for people who have not had depression,” said Wechsler.

While she is at school in Grand Rapids and away from her support system, it has gotten even more difficult for Wechsler’s girlfriend. However, he is thankful that she has made a few kind friends.

As for himself, Wechsler hasn’t had any major depressive episodes recently, but he said dysthymia, consistent low-level depression, still plagues him. He pushes to keep functioning because he believes that he needs to be okay for the sake of his girlfriend.

“I have to be stronger than I am able to be for myself, for her,” said Wechsler, “It’s tiring and difficult, but it’s worth it.”

Wechsler said that he constantly tries to tell and show his girlfriend how much he loves her except she doesn’t always believe him, and it is really difficult for him to hear that.

“The most insidious and diabolical thing depression does is take away the hope of feeling better,” said Wechsler. “If you can even come close to imagining what that would be like, then you can see why watching my girlfriend go through this is so hard for me.”

Wechsler refers to his girlfriend’s struggle as real and worthwhile. He said that once she gets through it, he knows she will be so much stronger.

“If you are watching someone go through this, they need you, more than either of you realize. They need your empathy, they need your support, they need your love, and most importantly they need your help, whether they say it or not,” said Wechsler.

Freshman biology major, Margaret Martinez is also very familiar with having to be strong for the protection of others. After a close family friend had passed away, Martinez witnessed her mother succumb to depression.

“My mom just went to a dark place and didn’t leave her room,” said Martinez. “The hardest part was trying to figure out how to be there for her while also giving her space. It was painful because my mom and I are really close. We’re best friends.”

Martinez said she found herself having to take on more responsibility in her household. Specifically, helping her little sister when she began to get angry at how their mother was acting.

“She's younger and doesn't quite understand that depression is an illness. To combat that, I steer her into understanding that our mother isn't choosing to be depressed, it's a disease, and by explaining that the best way to help is through unwavering support,” said Martinez.

However, Martinez doesn’t think her role has ever fully reversed with her mother. She still commends her mother for being wonderful despite her difficulties.

Martinez and her mother would write letters and slip them under each other’s bedroom doors when it was too difficult to talk. The following words were constantly echoed: I’m here, I love you.

“I'm just the glue keeping my mother standing, and my sister from pulling away,” said Martinez.

While her sister would feel angry, Martinez on the other hand, would feel guilt. When her mother was experiencing an especially troubling day, she would wrack her head wondering if she did something wrong.

“In all honesty, that's just as unhealthy as holding a grudge against her,” said Martinez. “Whatever her brain is putting her through is not her fault, or mine, or my sister's.”

When trying to support someone who is coping with depression, Martinez heeds the following advice: “You have to be really patient. You might feel frustrated because you want them to just snap out of it and be fine, but you have to realize that they feel even worse than you do. The best you can do is be there no matter what and listen.”

Contact reporter Aleanna Siacon at (586)3545040 or fv7748@wayne.edu, Follow her on Twitter: @ATerese11

http://www.thesouthend.wayne.edu/features/article_04e6229e-9ab9-11e5-9562-07b16f10f6e8.html